If you bore yourself to death with small talk at work, you're not alone.
A former co-worker recently made a confession: "I'm afraid I might be lame."
Considering Tom is one of the least lame people I know, I asked what on earth he meant. "At my new job I find myself talking about the most boring stuff ever," he said. "I'll be in the elevator with a co-worker going 'So, where'd you park today? Sometimes I park on Merchant Street.'"
Since entering the world of office-drudgery Tom has found himself devoid of a personality-at least while on the clock. This from a guy whose lunch conversations include acceptable uses for Jazz Hands (while boarding a bus, for instance), and the invention of a game called "Gay or Eurotrash".
So what happened?
In a professional environment, most workers dial down their personalities to the bare minimum. In the interest of common ground, the office has become a sanitized atmosphere, lacking offense but also compromising character. Jokes can hurt feelings. Fooling around is unprofessional. The person in the next cubicle may not get your Simpsons reference, which would be awkward all around.
It's cyclical: because no one breaks the wall of inviting personality into their work dynamic, others don't feel comfortable doing it. The man in the elevator with Tom may have been dying to tell a joke, but due to the banal nature of the conversation he felt it wasn't appropriate. And vice versa.
Too many days in a row and you begin to wonder if you really are just living for the next TPS report and "Aren't you glad it's Friday?" quip.
There's hope.
I propose a series of test questions or comments. For instance: "Monday is my favorite day of the week." Saying this gauges a person's reaction to sarcasm. A smile in response means you're getting there. A puzzled look, and it's time to stop trying. If someone agrees with no detected sarcasm on their part, you should run. Like, fast.
When you're at the coffee machine or chit chatting at the office pizza party, whip out one of these seemingly-innocuous statements and see how they respond. Then you can get a tepid feel for your co-workers to figure out which are, like you, not lame. Find out who responds well to sarcasm. Locate a partner in crime for elevator races. Discover someone to roll your eyes with at the team sales meeting. Soon, everyone will be doing it, and the person discussing parking will be the odd man out.
In my discussion this week I'm taking suggestions for further "test questions" for locating non-lame co-workers. Keep in mind they should be comments or questions that seem innocuous and innocent, so if they fall flat the responder will think little of it. Doing Jazz Hands at each cubicle may solicit a few laughs, but it may also have people contacting the Looney Bin.
