Creative Ways to Get Fired
If You'd Rather Be Fired than Quit
© Melissa Dylan
Aug 15, 2006
It's time to let go of this job, but you'd rather they drop the hatchet for you. Try one of these.
1. Destroy property, accidentally or otherwise.
2. Alienate others with thinly-veiled sarcasm.
3. Haze employees who do well. Swirlies recommended.
4. Show up drunk. Without pants.
5. Explain how vampires are misunderstood.
6. Secretly replace the coffee with decaf.
7. Roll your eyes. Frequently.
8. Say "That's not my job" when someone asks you to do something. Works particularly well when, say, you are the janitor and they've asked you to clean something.
9. Two words: bum fight.
10. Call your boss at home each night with work-related questions. Works best if calls are at 2 a.m. and questions are of the "Did we remember to lock up today?" variety.
11. Dress like a scarecrow. Use straw.
12. Sneeze blood. Do not tidy up.
13. Accuse your boss of stealing from you.
14. One word: porn.
15. Take a vacation. Forget to tell anyone.
16. Punch people.
17. Contribute "special brownies" at company events. Narc to BigBoss and recommend random drug testing.
18. Make personal calls where you complain loudly about your co-workers.
19. Go home "sick." The next morning, talk about what you did on your day off: going to the beach, spending time with your boyfriend, doing tequila shots...
20. Do not do your job.
And the most creative way to get fired: get caught writing an article called "Creative Ways to Get Fired" on company time.
On that note, I'd better quit while I'm ahead.
Good luck!
Want to keep your job? Read more articles, including Religion in the Workplace and Eating at Work.
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Comments
Aug 15, 2006 11:45 AM
rose :
Of course, the danger is, any of these could get you a promotion for "not being challeneged."
Oh, wait, this is the real world. HAHAH.
If people got fired for not doing their jobs, there would be far fewer people on the internet between 9 and five.
Aug 15, 2006 1:52 PM
Melissa Dylan :
<p>
</p>It's strange--some places don't seem to fire people no matter what they do. Others will fire you for looking at them funny (when really, you were just about to sneeze).
Aug 15, 2006 1:53 PM
Jennifer Carps :
<p>
</p>I think that because of the sue-happy society employeers are forced to build up reasons and be able to prove there was validity to the firing.
Aug 15, 2006 1:55 PM
rose :
<p></p>It's totally hard to fire someone. The girl who would call in sick? Then go drive her boyfriend around? We have to have a HUGE papertrail, and she STILL tried to sue us. Dude.
Aug 15, 2006 2:07 PM
Colleen :
<p>
</p>In Canada it's a lot easier to fire someone. The one and only time I had to fire someone (I liked him, but 2 of my top stylists threatened to quit if I kept him on- apparently he saved his assy behaviour for the times I wasn't around) I called the employee's rights board (or some such thing) to cover my bases and they told me I didn't even have to give him a reason for termination, simply tell him that he didn't suit the company.
We don't sue much up here.
Aug 15, 2006 2:13 PM
rose :
<p></p>I wish we weren't so sue happy here.
Aug 16, 2006 8:54 AM
Laurie :
<p>
</p>Because quitting takes too much energy.
Maybe BC is different, Punk. Here is Saskatchewan, the worker's paradise, most employers are pretty careful to document warnings, etc. so an employee can't go to the labour board and file a wrongful dismissal suit. In fact, a friend's husband WAS wrongly dismissed, and sued. He managed to get a nice little settlement for damages, which was well-deserved.
It's pretty tough to fire somebody for certain things--a place I worked with in Manitoba couldn't fire the store manager for stealing because he had a gambling addiction. As well, the head office for the company I currently work for is saddled with some real losers in the warehouse--they can't be fired (yet) because they're claiming they have addictions. The company is supposed to give them a fair chance to get counselling and mend their ways. Which is bull****.
Aaaaaaand...back to your regularly scheduled "Creative Ways to Get Fired" conversation.
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