Melissa Dylan's Blog

Posted by Melissa Dylan

I’ve worked in a few offices where co-workers felt compelled to bring their children to work. Luckily, it was only on occasion, and luckily, the kids were old enough to be out of diapers.

However, in all instances, I, as the office administrator, was expected to watch the kids for a portion or all of the day while the parent worked.

Clearly this was abuse of company human resources—I was hired to make copies and answer the phone, not play 7,468 games of patty-cake. Additionally, as someone with absolutely no child-care experience, I felt exceptionally underqualified to act as a sitter for the day. Last but not least, I resented the employees (often bosses) who brought their kid to work, assuming I had nothing better to do than keep an eye on little Dennis the Menace. (Or assuming that I even wanted to or was capable of doing it.)

Because of this, the popular new concept of babies in the workplace alarms me a bit. In theory I am 100% pro-family, and support anything that creates a better work-life balance. However, as someone who was child-free by choice for most of my working life, I resent anything that favors parents over child-free workers. This concept is no exception. If the person at the next cubicle is given leeway to bring a baby to work, spending most of their day cooing, feeding, burping, and entertaining the child while receiving the same paycheck as me—and if that parent expects me to take over part of the time so they can get their actual work done—I am strongly against the concept. It simply isn’t fair.

More on that in Babies in the Workplace.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

During a temp job at the Federal Building in Honolulu, I fielded phone calls all day that went like this: “It’s too cold in here!” “It’s too hot in here!” “The air-conditioner is making too much noise!” “The air-conditioner isn’t working!”

Temperature in the workplace is a hot-button issue. No one can agree on how hot or cold it should be, and thermostats are often managed in one large control room for the whole building.

I say instead of trying to please everyone (impossible), building managers should strive to please the environment. In this building in particular there were more cold complaints than anything, and the air conditioners were kept running 24 hours a day, which everyone agreed was a waste of taxpayer money, if nothing else. If the machines were shut down at night and kept at a lower running temperature all day, it would have saved money and been good for the environment.

Another problem at this job was that the recycling bins were largely inaccessible, in the basement. Because of this, no one in our office bothered to recycle, and chose to throw everything in our rubbish bins where it would disappear overnight.

There were a few simple things that could have been done to remedy both situations, thus helping our environment and keeping the office “green.” Here are a few more suggestions in this week’s article.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Hey, I'm an officer at a multinational. Since I do communication, a lot of bosses, one level above me, keep on trying to shove work my way. This puts me in an awkward position. Either I say "no, you're not the boss of me", and the person will hate me and shove the work my way anyway. Or, I do the work and get crushed under the load, working until 2 AM at night. Or, I do no work, which will get me fired in no time.

Crushed under Piles of Work

The answer is none of the above. Focus on your tasks in your job description, and those assigned by your direct supervisor.

I have been in this exact situation—someone over my own boss’s head was trying to get me to complete all of her work, and suddenly I couldn’t get anything done on my own. But this person did not have the authority to fire me. I spoke with my own boss about it, and he agreed that I was not responsible for any work that he did not personally assign. From then on, whenever this woman tried to pawn off work on me, I shoved it right back and told her to run it through my boss. She threw ten kinds of fits, but that didn’t help her whatsoever (and was kind of fun to watch).

Though the people in question are technically over your head, that doesn’t give them the right to stomp on you. If you aren’t able to do things outside the scope of your job and they fire you, then perhaps you’re better off to begin with.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My coworker keeps trying to convert me! I'm tired of her preaching, and I almost wish it were the end of the world. Damn. If I curse enough, will she evaporate? What do I do?

Here’s an idea: pretend you’ve converted and start quoting scripture at her every time she breaks a biblical rule. It’ll be pretty easy since the bible doesn’t even want us to wear mixed fibers. The next time she shows up to work wearing both cotton and wool, remind her with much pity that she’s going to hell.

Option two: construct a Tower of Babel outside your cubicle. Every time she comes by to talk religion, exclaim loudly “I can’t understand you!”

Or? Invent a religion. Try to convert her. Explain that you don’t believe in hell, but those who disobey your personal Ten Commandments (including: rub my feet) are condemned to an extended stay at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.

Honestly, though, if you’ve told her in no uncertain terms that you’re not interested in her conversion attempts, the next step is to discuss it with management. This is disrupting your work and isn’t relevant to your job. In some situations, being too aggressive in attempt for religious conversion can be considered harassment. Ask your boss to sit down with the two of you and hash it out.

Do this as a last resort, but it beats hoping she’ll turn into a pillar of salt.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

A friend of mine wants me to put in a good word for her at my company. The problem is, I think she would be a terrible employee. What do I do?

Unfortunately, stretching the truth may be your best option at this point. Vaguely indicate that they aren’t hiring, or the position she was seeking has been filled. “They’ve decided to go a different direction” is a phrase that no one can argue with.

If she insists, or knows for a fact that an opening is still available, stay vague and make no promises. “I’ll see what I can do,” is a good one. And throw in some white lies. “I hear they’re hoping to hire internally.” “Rumor has it, the boss’s nephew Jack is lined up for the job and interviews are just a formality.”

Let your employer discover for himself that your friend won’t fit the bill. If you truly feel she’d be the wrong person for the job, the person in charge of hiring will likely figure this out himself during the interview process. So don’t badmouth her…just let nature take it’s course. Buy her a drink to commiserate, and remind her of all the reasons you hate your job anyway. You’ll bond and she won’t be any the wiser.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

I got caught going to a website I shouldn't have gone to at work. What can I do now?

I’m going to assume you mean porn. Why anyone would want to look at porn at work is slightly beyond me, but never mind how I feel about it. Whether you want to or not, going on x-rated websites on the job is downright dumb. You must know that with all the spyware and employee-tracking software out there, employers are likely to catch you, and that doesn’t always mean the sneaking-up-behind-you method.

But you’ve already been caught, so let’s move on. If you’ve already been reprimanded and apologized your only choice is to don a halo and behave like the employee of the month from now on. Don’t visit any non-work websites--even seemingly innocuous ones (because they’re still wasting company time). You have to earn your employer’s trust, so your only option is to be the best you can be. If this means moving your computer monitor to a more publicly-viewable location (your back to the office, for instance) indicate a willingness to go for it.

And for god’s sake, don’t do it again. Sheesh.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

The recession and the recent dive-bomb of the mortgage industry have led to financial hardship industry-wide. If you're not personally affected, you know someone who has been, and each day we live with the panic that we might be next.

The problem has reached Hawaii, with both Aloha Airlines and ATA going out of business within the same month. This has led to thousands of lay-offs, on an island with a finite number of jobs already. Many former airline employees are left struggling for a handful of jobs at other airlines, or else they're forced to consider relocating to the mainland.

This is how lay-offs affect people--not just financially, but their lifestyle. Anyone who has grown up on the islands has family here, a culture, a community. It's not so easy to just pick up and move hundreds of miles away for a job. Sadly, many people will have no choice. Others will be forced to change industries, meaning years of service, training, and experience will be useless, and they will have to start from scratch.

Though companies are doing all they can, bankruptcy is imminent. If you've recently been laid-off, here is an article that might help you through this difficult time. Lay-offs: What to Do.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My coworker has been working for a promotion for a year now. She's really set her mind to it. I arrived after her but our boss doesn't really like her, and I know I've got a good chance to land it instead of her. I really like my coworker - we go for lunch and meet outside of work for gym and drinks - but I don't want to pass on the promotion. How do I handle it?

It’s a tough situation, and one that’s bound to make you both uncomfortable. A few things to consider:

If you don’t accept the promotion, it’s likely your boss won’t offer it to her, regardless. So it may as well be you.

I appreciate that you’re nice enough to care about your co-worker’s feelings, but this is business, not personal. If she is truly your friend she’ll recognize this and be supportive. If she’s not supportive then she’s not a very good friend. Why pass on a chance at a promotion for someone who is a selfish friend?

Be sensitive about it of course, but it sounds like you’re already cognizant of that. No flaunting, lording, acting demanding, or snubbing her because of your new status. Set the standard and act professional, and hopefully she will follow suit.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

How do I deal with a coworker who keeps coming to my desk to chit chat? My boss gets annoyed with both of us, but I'm not doing any of the talking! I don't even want to listen to her!

Here are a few tactics:

Delay: Suggest going to lunch later to finish the conversation. This is only a recommendation if you're prepared to eventually hear about Fluffy's hairballs.

Divert: "I'm in the middle of something, but I really want to hear this. Why don't you send this story in an e-mail?" She'll be quiet while she types, and then you can simply delete.

Ignore: Use earphones if necessary, even if there is no music. Bop your head like you're listening to a rockin' tune, and she'll get the hint.

Recruit Help: Send an e-mail to a friend down the hall with less on her plate. Ask if she can entertain the chatterbox for awhile. But remember, you'll owe her.

Leave: Stand up and escort her out of your workspace, claiming a need for coffee. Chat with her in the break room for a few moments. Then, interrupt yourself (not her) and say you have to get back to work, leaving her there.

Assign: "Since you seem to have a little free time right now, could you shoot off a dozen color copies of this document? Thanks so much." She'll start to avoid your cubicle if you make her your errand girl each time.

Or, just tell her to shut it. Some people don’t respond to subtlety.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Wow, that sucks. And unfortunately, it looks like your hands are tied. If HR won't address it, your only choice is to suck it up (bleh) or get creative.

1.) Fake an allergy. If you're convincing enough, you can probably even get a real doctor to write you a note to bring to HR as proof that her perfume must go.

2.) Parade in a number of even more obnoxious scents--of your choosing. Things that you might love that will overwhelm the scent. Indian food, pachouli, dirty socks. Wait, I said stuff you LOVE. Hm. Get creative. It won't make her stop wearing her perfume, but at least it might drown it out. And if she complains, ask for a compromise--no more Korean Barbecue if she agrees to leave the perfume at home.

3.) Surround yourself with fans. Aim them away from you. Keep potpourri or scented candles on your desk. This will cause an air-barrier that her perfume can not penetrate. Note: probably some sort of fire hazard.

4.) Circulate an e-mail about overuse of perfume and it's effect on aging. Make sure it's one of those forwarded-forwarded-forwarded things so it looks like it didn't come from you. Emphasize how too much perfume causes wrinkles, age spot, saggy skin, and early onset menopause. If you don't feel this will concern your co-worker enough, emphasize that too much perfume causes flatulence.

5.) Screw tact. Level with her. It goes like this. "Your perfume bothers me. Considering we have to share an office, I would appreciate if you could wear less, or none. Is this something you can do?" It'll embarrass her and you'll both be uncomfortable, but that's the point--when faced with an in-her-face yes or no question she'll either have to own up to her insensitivity, or stop.

If all else fails, nose plugs.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

This week's article is a review of Jane Porter's book Mrs. Perfect, the follow-up to last year's Odd Mom Out. I thorougly enjoyed them both. While being entertaining and witty, both books accurately portrayed the trials and tribulations of working versus stay-at-home moms, and what it is like to re-enter the workplace after a long mom-hiatus. (Sadly, it is extremely challenging.)

Jane Porter's books are definitely worth a read. Check out the review here. And tell me your thoughts in the discussion Stay Home or Work.

Happy reading!

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Q: What should you do if you suspect a co-worker has an eating disorder?

A: An eating disorder is difficult to detect, and one should never assume. When I first became pregnant, people speculated all sorts of reasons why I spent so much time in the bathroom, from an eating disorder to a drinking problem.

First consider why you think there is a disorder that needs addressing, and factor in other possibilities.If you still think there’s a problem, the next step must be delicate. Talk to them gently, non-judgmentally, and in private. Expect that they’ll be guarded and in denial. If this is the case, don’t push. Be supportive in other ways.

Don’t push food on them. In my younger days, co-workers would loudly insist during meetings that I fill up on snacks because I “needed it.” Even without an eating disorder, that makes a person self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Realize it’s rooted in control issues, not body issues. Reminding your co-worker that they look “fabulous” won’t help.

Don’t gossip. This is a non-work issue, and shouldn’t be paraded at work.

If you feel it has reached a point where their health is in jeopardy, try and find an outside source for help. Contact friends or family members of your co-worker. See if they’re willing to intervene.

Unfortunately, the old adage is true: you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Promise to be there for the person, and that’s often the best you can do.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Well, that’s not true. Right now I don’t have a boss. Technically. See, it’s been nearly 1 year since I’ve officially been out of the workplace.

I’ll be honest with you: I don’t miss it.

The other side isn’t exactly a picnic. I’ve been trolling for freelance work, which is often harder than a 9-to-5 where just showing up is half the battle. If I don’t want to work, I don’t have to—but I also don’t get assignments. Or paid.

Then there’s the whole parenting thing, which is a 24/7 job. (Wait, that’s a lie. There’s something called “daycare” and I highly recommend it.) But still, I’ll choose parenting over a dull-drum job at a finance company for a few reasons. #1. My baby is not the boss of me. #2. I can take this job anywhere (the beach, traveling, to a friend's house). #3. Poopy diapers? Actually not that bad.

I’ve thought about going back to the corporate world, and at this point, I just don’t want to. Dressing to someone else’s standards, working on someone else’s schedule, at the mercy of customers or employers with whimsical moods. At least at home I have the freedom to work on my own time (writing), or use the trump card “I’m the Mommy, that’s why.” I don’t think that type of argument will fly at work.

But, if you have a boss who really does hate you, I've written an article that might help. How To Get Your Boss To Like You. Enjoy!

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My favorite episode of The Office was on the other night. Phyllis has printed out advice from the internet on how to get along with Angela. As the episode progresses, Phyllis finds that most of this advice is largely useless. Too bad Phyllis didn't come to my site. I don't waste time giving advice that works only if both parties are reasonable people. The whole concept behind difficult co-workers is that they are often largely unreasonable. So how do you deal?

It requires finesse, and a bit of being the bigger person, but it can be done. A few tips are found here, in Get Along With Any Co-Worker.

And if that doesn't work, you have my permission to ball up a bunch of post-its and throw them in the person's face.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Work-related tax deductions aren't just for the self-employeed. Be sure to take all the deductions you can for work expenses. A list of expenses that are eligible can be found here:

http://workplaceculture.suite101.com/article.cfm/jobrelated_tax_deductions

Get some money back this year!