Workplace Culture

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My coworker has been working for a promotion for a year now. She's really set her mind to it. I arrived after her but our boss doesn't really like her, and I know I've got a good chance to land it instead of her. I really like my coworker - we go for lunch and meet outside of work for gym and drinks - but I don't want to pass on the promotion. How do I handle it?



It’s a tough situation, and one that’s bound to make you both uncomfortable. A few things to consider:



If you don’t accept the promotion, it’s likely your boss won’t offer it to her, regardless. So it may as well be you.



I appreciate that you’re nice enough to care about your co-worker’s feelings, but this is business, not personal. If she is truly your friend she’ll recognize this and be supportive. If she’s not supportive then she’s not a very good friend. Why pass on a chance at a promotion for someone who is a selfish friend?



Be sensitive about it of course, but it sounds like you’re already cognizant of that. No flaunting, lording, acting demanding, or snubbing her because of your new status. Set the standard and act professional, and hopefully she will follow suit.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

How do I deal with a coworker who keeps coming to my desk to chit chat? My boss gets annoyed with both of us, but I'm not doing any of the talking! I don't even want to listen to her!



Here are a few tactics:

Delay: Suggest going to lunch later to finish the conversation. This is only a recommendation if you're prepared to eventually hear about Fluffy's hairballs.

Divert: "I'm in the middle of something, but I really want to hear this. Why don't you send this story in an e-mail?" She'll be quiet while she types, and then you can simply delete.

Ignore: Use earphones if necessary, even if there is no music. Bop your head like you're listening to a rockin' tune, and she'll get the hint.

Recruit Help: Send an e-mail to a friend down the hall with less on her plate. Ask if she can entertain the chatterbox for awhile. But remember, you'll owe her.

Leave: Stand up and escort her out of your workspace, claiming a need for coffee. Chat with her in the break room for a few moments. Then, interrupt yourself (not her) and say you have to get back to work, leaving her there.

Assign: "Since you seem to have a little free time right now, could you shoot off a dozen color copies of this document? Thanks so much." She'll start to avoid your cubicle if you make her your errand girl each time.

Or, just tell her to shut it. Some people don’t respond to subtlety.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Wow, that sucks. And unfortunately, it looks like your hands are tied. If HR won't address it, your only choice is to suck it up (bleh) or get creative.

1.) Fake an allergy. If you're convincing enough, you can probably even get a real doctor to write you a note to bring to HR as proof that her perfume must go.

2.) Parade in a number of even more obnoxious scents--of your choosing. Things that you might love that will overwhelm the scent. Indian food, pachouli, dirty socks. Wait, I said stuff you LOVE. Hm. Get creative. It won't make her stop wearing her perfume, but at least it might drown it out. And if she complains, ask for a compromise--no more Korean Barbecue if she agrees to leave the perfume at home.

3.) Surround yourself with fans. Aim them away from you. Keep potpourri or scented candles on your desk. This will cause an air-barrier that her perfume can not penetrate. Note: probably some sort of fire hazard.

4.) Circulate an e-mail about overuse of perfume and it's effect on aging. Make sure it's one of those forwarded-forwarded-forwarded things so it looks like it didn't come from you. Emphasize how too much perfume causes wrinkles, age spot, saggy skin, and early onset menopause. If you don't feel this will concern your co-worker enough, emphasize that too much perfume causes flatulence.

5.) Screw tact. Level with her. It goes like this. "Your perfume bothers me. Considering we have to share an office, I would appreciate if you could wear less, or none. Is this something you can do?" It'll embarrass her and you'll both be uncomfortable, but that's the point--when faced with an in-her-face yes or no question she'll either have to own up to her insensitivity, or stop.

If all else fails, nose plugs.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

This week's article is a review of Jane Porter's book Mrs. Perfect, the follow-up to last year's Odd Mom Out. I thorougly enjoyed them both. While being entertaining and witty, both books accurately portrayed the trials and tribulations of working versus stay-at-home moms, and what it is like to re-enter the workplace after a long mom-hiatus. (Sadly, it is extremely challenging.)

Jane Porter's books are definitely worth a read. Check out the review here. And tell me your thoughts in the discussion Stay Home or Work.

Happy reading!

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Q: What should you do if you suspect a co-worker has an eating disorder?

A: An eating disorder is difficult to detect, and one should never assume. When I first became pregnant, people speculated all sorts of reasons why I spent so much time in the bathroom, from an eating disorder to a drinking problem.

First consider why you think there is a disorder that needs addressing, and factor in other possibilities.If you still think there’s a problem, the next step must be delicate. Talk to them gently, non-judgmentally, and in private. Expect that they’ll be guarded and in denial. If this is the case, don’t push. Be supportive in other ways.

Don’t push food on them. In my younger days, co-workers would loudly insist during meetings that I fill up on snacks because I “needed it.” Even without an eating disorder, that makes a person self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Realize it’s rooted in control issues, not body issues. Reminding your co-worker that they look “fabulous” won’t help.

Don’t gossip. This is a non-work issue, and shouldn’t be paraded at work.

If you feel it has reached a point where their health is in jeopardy, try and find an outside source for help. Contact friends or family members of your co-worker. See if they’re willing to intervene.

Unfortunately, the old adage is true: you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Promise to be there for the person, and that’s often the best you can do.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Well, that’s not true. Right now I don’t have a boss. Technically. See, it’s been nearly 1 year since I’ve officially been out of the workplace.

I’ll be honest with you: I don’t miss it.

The other side isn’t exactly a picnic. I’ve been trolling for freelance work, which is often harder than a 9-to-5 where just showing up is half the battle. If I don’t want to work, I don’t have to—but I also don’t get assignments. Or paid.

Then there’s the whole parenting thing, which is a 24/7 job. (Wait, that’s a lie. There’s something called “daycare” and I highly recommend it.) But still, I’ll choose parenting over a dull-drum job at a finance company for a few reasons. #1. My baby is not the boss of me. #2. I can take this job anywhere (the beach, traveling, to a friend's house). #3. Poopy diapers? Actually not that bad.

I’ve thought about going back to the corporate world, and at this point, I just don’t want to. Dressing to someone else’s standards, working on someone else’s schedule, at the mercy of customers or employers with whimsical moods. At least at home I have the freedom to work on my own time (writing), or use the trump card “I’m the Mommy, that’s why.” I don’t think that type of argument will fly at work.

But, if you have a boss who really does hate you, I've written an article that might help. How To Get Your Boss To Like You. Enjoy!

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Work-related tax deductions aren't just for the self-employeed. Be sure to take all the deductions you can for work expenses. A list of expenses that are eligible can be found here:

http://workplaceculture.suite101.com/article.cfm/jobrelated_tax_deductions

Get some money back this year!

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My favorite episode of The Office was on the other night. Phyllis has printed out advice from the internet on how to get along with Angela. As the episode progresses, Phyllis finds that most of this advice is largely useless. Too bad Phyllis didn't come to my site. I don't waste time giving advice that works only if both parties are reasonable people. The whole concept behind difficult co-workers is that they are often largely unreasonable. So how do you deal?

It requires finesse, and a bit of being the bigger person, but it can be done. A few tips are found here, in Get Along With Any Co-Worker.

And if that doesn't work, you have my permission to ball up a bunch of post-its and throw them in the person's face.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Whether it's for the holidays or Giant Gerta's 65th birthday, office parties are inevitable. There's nothing worse than sitting around for free with people you can barely stand even on the clock. But unless you fake an embolism, you're out of luck. Grab a gift bag, stuff it with a foot bath for Gerta, and attend the office party with a smile. If you're lucky you'll end up with a few juicy blackmail pictures of Ted from Finance getting pantsed by Wanda, VP of Customer Relations.

Oh, and read this for other tips on surviving:

http://workplaceculture.suite101.com/article.cfm/survive_your_office_party

And party on.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

More and more companies are insisting that parties taking place at the end of December be called "Holiday" parties, instead of "Christmas" parties. This way they don't exclude people of other faiths.

According to the FOXNews.com, 95% of Americans celebrate Christmas, 4% Hanukkah, and 3% Kwanzaa. Newsflash, FOXNews: that’s 102%.

Is it any surprise that the news channel that hosts Bill O'Reilly (and his famous boycott against businesses who don't specifically mention the word "Christmas" in their ads) manufactures numbers that indicates a vast majority of Christian holiday-celebrators?

Wikipedia actually shows that number to be more around 79%--still a vast majority, but with over 20% of people belonging to faiths that do not celebrate Christmas. Even if some of the non-Christians celebrate Christmas in terms of an American tradition, those individuals are less likely to object to Christ-references being eliminated from the title.

If an office has 100 people, that means around 20 of them do not celebrate Christmas. That's a lot of people to leave out of what is generally a company-sponsored event. Yet still many argue that it should be called a Christmas Party, and that there is, in fact, a "War On Christmas."

Here is more on that topic:

http://workplaceculture.suite101.com/article.cfm/holiday_party_versus_christmas_par

Happy Holidays!