(And I don't just mean what to wear and how to avoid the spiked punch.)
Everyone knows that you should dress conservatively and be on your best behavior for office parties, whether during the holidays or for any other occassion. What’s questionable is what to do beyond that. How do you avoid Stan “The Spitter” Johnson, and his wife Overly-Huggy-Sue? How early is too early to duck out? And is this thing edible?
- Show up not too early, not too late. Arrive too early and you look a little bit like you don’t have a life. Maybe you don’t, but why advertise it?
- Stay awhile. If there’s a meal, at least stay until everyone is finished eating. If there’s a gift-exchange or awards portion, stick around until it’s all completed. If you plan to duck out early, wait until no one is looking and then bolt. If you say goodbye a half-hour into the party, everyone will notice you are leaving. If you leave quietly you may be able to pretend later that you were there the whole time. Practice this: “Wow [boss’s name here], I barely got to talk to you at the party last night. I got stuck with Larry-The-Rambling-Man and his girlfriend Crazy-Laugh-Monica.”
- Avoid downers. If you’re stuck with someone you’d rather not chat with, practice this diversion tactic: grab the arm of the next person who walks by. A co-worker, the valet, anyone. Introduce them, then say “Bob from Cleveland here was just telling me about the time he had his spleen removed.” He’ll start from the beginning, and you can shift away. If all else fails, spill something on yourself. You’ll have to go tend to it right away.
- White elephant gifts: Barry Manilow CD, good. Furry handcuffs, bad.
- Repeat after me: The Electric Slide is not cool. The Electric Slide is NOT cool.
- There’s something on your face. Nope, not there. There. Almost got it. Not quite. Lower… (Just scrub your entire face with a napkin and get it over with.)
- She isn’t “too tired,” she doesn’t want to dance with you. Pulling her arm out of the socket insisting that she join you on the dance floor will not make her any more willing. When her friend rushes over with a vague crisis that needs immediate attention, they have planned it in advance. Rest assured that some sort of “signal” has been devised and executed.
- “No one remembers the next day, anyway” is only true of you. Everyone else remembers. Vividly.
- Which fork do I use? Who cares? No one knows.
- YYYYYYYY-M-C-AAAAAA! Wrong.
The copyright of the article Survive Your Office Party in Workplace Culture is owned by Melissa Dylan. Permission to republish Survive Your Office Party must be granted by the author in writing.
