How to Make Bigger Tips as a Restaurant Waitress

Advice for Servers to Earn More Money

Aug 10, 2009 Beth Taylor

Quality of service has surprisingly little to do with how much people tip in restaurants.

Michael Lynn, psychologist and professor at Cornell University's School of Hotel Administration, headed an intense series of studies that analyzed which restaurant wait staff behaviors resulted in the best server tips. While some of his methods are controversial, the underlying and consistent interpretations are quite clear.

Its the Server, Not the Service

The bottom line is that customers tip a server based upon how much they like him or her. Waiters and waitresses in fine restaurants are better off learning how to develop a good customer relationship than worrying about whether to clear from the left or the right. While competence is certainly a necessary skill in any job, there is much more to working as a waiter or waitress than remembering who ordered which entree.

Behaviors That Earn Bigger Tips

• Making eye contact and smiling. Servers must approach each table warmly and in a relaxed fashion, as if there are no other tables in the restaurant. Open mouthed, genuine smiles make other people feel liked, and therefore they will like the smiler.
• Looking neat, clean, and appropriately dressed. That means covered, no tank tops or sandals. Standing up straight and listening to what the customer has to say makes a good impression. People feel liked when they are listened to.
• Seeming relaxed. No matter how busy a server is, she must be relaxed and not hurried at the table. When the customer feels important and that the server is enjoying being at his table, he will feel liked and leave a bigger tip.
• Approaching the table for no reason, not even to bring water or bread. For example, approach just to make sure everything is fine after the entree is delivered. This extra contact makes the customer feel especially well cared for, and will result in a bigger tip.
• Knowing the menu. (And when relevant, knowing the wine.) Servers should have at least a taste of everything on the menu so they can answer customer questions and discuss the food in an intelligent manner. This gains customers' respect and like.
• Upselling. Regardless of the percentage of tip, a higher bill still means a higher tip. Suggesting that special appetizer, or a light salad will not only bring up the bill but the customer may feel appreciative. Suggesting which wine will go nicely with the lamb indicates both professionalism and care about the customers.
• Complementing diners on their menu item choices. Saying "oh, that is very good" indicates agreement, which they will equate with being personally complemented. The positive stroke makes the diner like the server, which results in a bigger tip.
• Knowing the names of regular customers. This will make them feel noticed and appreciated. They will reward the attention and sense of importance with a bigger tip.
• Writing "thank you" on the back or bottom of each bill. According to Lynn it raises the tip average. It is also good manners and there is no reason not to thank people.
• Using check folders or bill trays with credit card logos. Bills delivered with credit card logos receive a higher tip average than bills delivered on plain trays. This is an interesting finding that has yet to be explained, but one can speculate that the subtle suggestion of money plays a part.

Empathy and Customer Relationship

Empathy may be one of the biggest assets a server can have. The server who has empathy for her tables will be able to give each and every one of them just the amount of personal attention that they want. When the customer's personal needs and wants are met, the customer will feel most respected and liked, and will like the server back. And this liking the server is what results in bigger tips.

People eat out for different reasons at different times. Some people need a quick bite before a movie, others are looking forward to a leisurely dinner full of conversation for two, and still others want to have a party. The server who makes chit chat with the people in a hurry isn't paying attention. Just because the chit chat created a good customer relationship at the party table does not make chit chat appropriate at every table. Servers who make big tips do so by developing a unique customer relationship with each individual table, based upon what the customers want.

Waiters and waitresses who can read their customers' emotional cues and respond with what the table wants will be most appreciated, respected, and liked by their diners. If customers like a server, they are much more likely to forgive a mistake and will tip well simply because they like the server.

The copyright of the article How to Make Bigger Tips as a Restaurant Waitress in Workplace Culture is owned by Beth Taylor. Permission to republish How to Make Bigger Tips as a Restaurant Waitress in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Customer Smiling at Server

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Aug 14, 2009 9:03 PM

springs1 :

While I agree with some of your points, these are the ones I don't agree with:

"Suggesting which wine will go nicely with the lamb indicates both professionalism and care about the customers."

If the customer doesn't ask, DO NOT suggest what wine would go well. I don't drink wine most of the time, only sometimes and I do NOT CARE WHAT-SO-EVER what a STRANGER'S TASTE is. I like different things just as anyone does. LET ME ORDER unless I ASK YOUR OPINION!! LEAVE YOUR OPINION OUT OF MY ORDER!! When servers do that, their tip goes DOWN for putting in their opinion into my order making me wait LONGER for my food by wasting VALUABLE TIME and trying to decide FOR ME what "I" want. An example of out of line: I am fine with the upselling BEFORE you order, because it's required, but NOT AFTER. Once at Red Lobster, a waitress asked me if I wanted the Top Shelf margarita when I ordered the Classic margarita(which is their regular margarita). That is AGGREVATING, because I had ALREADY SAID THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Think about how IRRITATING it is to have to CORRECT your server on something you've already said because they were trying to upsell you on like a dollar more drink or so. If I wanted the top shelf, I WOULD HAVE ORDERED IT, DUH!! I CAN READ THE MENU FOR MYSELF!!

"Complementing diners on their menu item choices. Saying "oh, that is very good" indicates agreement, which they will equate with being personally complemented. The positive stroke makes the diner like the server, which results in a bigger tip."


NO, WORSER tip. Do you think MOST people really CARE at ALL about IF their SERVER likes the food or drink? Once, I had a waitress say "GOOD CHOICE" when I ordered the "Perfect Margarita" at Applebees they had, which I had it a bunch of times before that even. I was thinking in my head "SO WHAT you think it's a GOOD CHOICE, it ONLY matters if **I** think it's a good choice or not since I am the customer, it MY OPINION ONLY MATTERS as to if what I am ordering is good or not. It wastes time saying your opinion as a server and it doesn't matter. WHO CARES WHAT MY SERVER THINKS UNLESS I ASK THEM THEIR OPINION? They may like the drink or food, but I may end up not liking it. That is the TRUTH!! What is a "GOOD CHOICE" is the eye of the beholder.

Continued next post:

Aug 14, 2009 9:12 PM

springs1 :

"Writing "thank you" on the back or bottom of each bill. According to Lynn it raises the tip average. It is also good manners and there is no reason not to thank people."


People DON'T CARE if their server writes that. It doesn't count towards the tip. You can say VERBALLY "thank you" and waste LESS TIME than WRITING IT.


Writing it DELAYS the customer from leaving and it's only to SCORE TIP POINTS, NOT to truly say "Thank you", so WHY bother doing it?


" Using check folders or bill trays with credit card logos. Bills delivered with credit card logos receive a higher tip average than bills delivered on plain trays. This is an interesting finding that has yet to be explained, but one can speculate that the subtle suggestion of money plays a part."

WHO CARES if what the check comes in? WHO IN THE WORLD TIPS ON THAT REASON? People DO TIP ON SERVICE, NOT WHAT THEIR CHECK GETS HANDED TO THEM IN.


"Knowing the menu."


I agree 100% with this one. I know the menu BETTER than some servers. Even at times when I went to a restaurant for the very first time even, I have known more about the menu than some servers did. That is pathetic, it really is. They should know what they are BRINGING you as far as what it looks like to an extent and have knowledge of things that go with the items such as on some menus chili cheese fries come with ranch, yet, me and my husband have had servers bring out them without the ranch when we didn't say we didn't want the ranch. It takes ***EFFORT*** to learn the menu and most don't COMPARE the menus and the written orders with what they are SERVING YOU, that's the problem.

Aug 15, 2009 11:10 AM

Judith Bakley :

It is nice to have the server try to put her/himself on a personal level with you. Ordering something and having the server tell you that it's one of their personal favorites is perfectly fine. They work there and probably have eaten everything on the menu. I value their insight.

Aug 15, 2009 11:46 AM

Alina Bradford :

Great article and very well made points. I wish more servers would read your article. :)

Aug 15, 2009 12:00 PM

Cheryl Probst :

I drink a lot of water with meals. If the server doesn't automatically refill my glass or ask me if I'd like more water, no tip.

I also refuse to tip servers who ask if you want change back when you pay a $15 check with a $20 bill.

Aug 15, 2009 12:05 PM

Ronald G Falconberry :

Great article, Beth. It is well-written and gives a lot of good advice. I agree with all of your points.

Ron

Aug 15, 2009 12:18 PM

Judith Bakley :

"I also refuse to tip servers who ask if you want change back when you pay a $15 check with a $20 bill."

I agree with you there, Cheryl! :)

Aug 15, 2009 2:12 PM

springs1 :

Judith Barkley
"It is nice to have the server try to put her/himself on a personal level with you."


Not everyone feels it's nice. I am a VERY, VERY picky eater and drinker. I like certain things, certain ways. I don't care about if THEY like it, SO WHAT? That's THEIR OPINION!! For instance, my husband likes New York strips, which 2 times at 2 different restaurants I have tried that from him, I don't like it. I like the ribeyes or filet mignon, not that cut of steak. This is just an example of that if a server suggested to me a new york strip that if I would have never tried it or told me "good choice", I wouldn't have agreed, understand?


I think it's annoying that after I have said what I wanted to order for the server to try to change my order. That's wasting TIME. I know what I want and I don't care WHAT THE HECK my server offers me otherwise, because I am fixated on that thing I ordered. I only want that drink or food only!!


"Ordering something and having the server tell you that it's one of their personal favorites is perfectly fine. They work there and probably have eaten everything on the menu. I value their insight."


While THEY may have eaten it, everyone likes and dislikes different foods. I for one, HATE ketchup, which most people like it. Just an example of that everyone has different taste.

I had recently a manager that was also doing the hosting seated us and offered me some new drink called something like "purple rain" that had some type of fruity flavors. While I like mai tai's and pina coladas, this was TERRIBLE after the first sip. Thankfully, he let me try it first, because I would have been mad that I would have had to pay for something I didn't like, but I would have and I wouldn't have tried it probably if he wouldn't have offered a free sample of it to me to try.


We were there the following week, which they had another drink of the day that was good IN OUR OPINION, some lemon mixed drink. I told him that it was wayyy better than the purple rain drink. He told me this drink sold so well last weekend.


My point is, my server's opinion is NOT always the CUSTOMER'S opinion.


Honestly, does it matter when I told the waitress at Applebee's that I wanted the "Perfect margarita"(which is one of their margaritas that is served in a martini glass with a shaker) that MY WAITRESS thought it was a good choice? I had it already before, so I already know, there's no need for someone else's opinion.

Aug 15, 2009 2:23 PM

springs1 :

Judith Barkley
"I value their insight."

What if you have had that thing before? Do you think their opinion matters then? What if they said they didn't think it was as good as something else, but YOU PREFERRED the item you ordered? Just curious as to what you would do if the server tried to change your order or put their opinion in your ordering process?

I don't value their insight UNLESS I ASK FOR IT!! I had one waitress once say after each drink I had(I had like 4) that it was a good drink each time. That gets old, you know. I already knew it was, because I had them before bunches of times. Even if I didn't, if I wanted their opinion(which I have asked a server before) I would ASK their opinion straight out.

They may like the food or drinks, but I may not. I am sorry, but I don't care about my server's opinion unless I am specifically asking for it. They are there to TAKE YOUR ORDER, NOT to say what they would like. They are there to put down what YOU say, NOT what they think is good or not. The entire point of the tip is to satisfy the CUSTOMER, NOT the SERVER!! So if the customer doesn't think it's a "GOOD CHOICE", don't you think it's kind of stupid to say your opinion on what is a GOOD CHOICE? So my server likes it, which I may not think it's a good choice. It's stupid. I don't really care about what THEY think unless I ask them their opinion. They are there to please ME, NOT THEMSELVES and they aren't there to give advice, unless it's wanted.

Think about it from my point of view, that I had the drink before and I am the person drinking it, so it doesn't matter if they think it's so great or not. If they offer me something I hate, but they like, I won't be happy, will I?

If I am at a restaurant for hte first time, I may ask their opinion or if I am trying something new, then I may ask, but otherwise, more times than not, I come into the restaurant already having an idea of what I want such as "Maybe ribs, maybe a burger,etc." I don't care if a STRANGER says it's good. The thing about it that's good is that the margarita was over $8, so of course anything to bring up the check amount is good to get a bigger tip. That's what they are thinking to me, that we aren't being cheap. I really don't care if they like something unless I ask them about if they think it's good or not.

Aug 15, 2009 9:15 PM

springs1 :

Cheryl Probst
"If the server doesn't automatically refill my glass"

No server should be filling up a glass without ASKING your permission first. It's quite annoying when servers fill your glass when it's not even half empty, because it is an interruption that's unnecessary.

No server should be deciding for their customers if they want more or not. The server should ask first before refilling glasses, PERIOD!!

The customer rules what happens in their service, not their server!!

"I also refuse to tip servers who ask if you want change back when you pay a $15 check with a $20 bill."

While I would agree with reducing the tip, I would only agree with stiffing if they decided to KEEP any part of your change. Today, a lot of servers ask that, so if you pay with cash a lot, you'd end up stiffing a lot, which if the service was wonderful otherwise, that would be kind of strict, don't you think??

My husband and I have been asked that before they noticed we had paid with a credit card even.

They honestly shouldn't be asking that at all. The reason why, is that they are too lazy to want to make the extra trips to get the change. It's all about saving time and presuming the tip is theirs ahead of time of course. They shouldn't be asking that. They should just say "I'll be right back with your change", because I feel if you wanted them to keep it all, you'd SAY SO!!

We always pay with a credit card or gift card most of the time, so we don't have this issue very often, BUT, even if I would have my check at $19.99, I would expect my change back with a $20 bill. WHY? Once paid with (2) $20 gift certificates(back before gift cards were more popular), which our check was $34.69 and the waiter decided to eat our 31 cents in a sense by just giving us back a $5 bill, NO COINS to speak of. Ever since then, if we EVER pay with cash or if they have gift certificates, I will get the change to see if the server will STEAL or not. The tip isn't theirs until the customer either says so or leaves.

My point is, the servers shouldn't be PRESUMING the change is their tip even if a penny of change is left. The server should go get that penny if they don't have any on them and let the CUSTOMER decide what amount to tip. By not returning a penny, I would definately stiff due to STEALING. We stiffed the waiter. WHY? He didn't return our 31 cents and I had to find him to get it from him. He stole, so we did as well by giving him no tip.

Aug 27, 2009 10:36 PM

Guest :

Boo to Cheryl Probst! Perhaps if you ask the server for more water and not wait for he or she to notice that your glass is empty--it would be a win/win situation for everyone. But I don't get the sense that you're interested in a mutually respectful exchange.

Sep 18, 2009 12:02 PM

Guest :

springs1, I think you fail to understand that this story is a summary of a study done that came to the conclusions reported on. If you had understood that, you wouldn't have taken up pages on your own personal opinion on each of the study's conclusory points, or countered other people's responses, since each of those points is not up for debate as the opinion of the author but rather simply a statement of what these Cornell scientists concluded when they tested how waitress behaviors affect the tips customers leave. There are always going to be aberrational variants on each end of the behavior spectrum, such as your own. Usually they end up being statistically irrelevant. Scientific studies look to find the means, the norms, of behaviors.

Sep 28, 2009 9:55 PM

Guest :

springs1, why do you go out to eat? most everything about it seems to make you miserable. I suggest to-go.

Oct 14, 2009 3:35 PM

Guest :

Cheryl Probst vs. springs1, please do all servers a favor and stay home. your mentality twords being "served" has become clouded.Remeber when dinning out... your not at a 5 star if your tab is only $20.

these young servers are only trying to serve you as the best they know how, CALM DOWN and WAKE UP. Your table is reserved for, and better put to use with a servable guest.

Did you ever stop to think your server may be a single parent trying the feed there kids...while working 11 hour shifts nonstop, maybe even with no training? I know your kind.

Sure there is a fine art to serving... you can always find this at a 5 star table...but your to cheap to eat there right? you want 5 star service for less.

Oct 28, 2009 1:29 AM

Guest :

I'm a server, and I know Probst and springs. I see people just like them at least once everyday that I work. Are these people aware that servers make BELOW MINIMUM WAGE??? That "no tip" scenario due to a missed glass of water is a sure sign of someone just looking for an excuse to keep a few extra dollars in their pocket. They have no regard for the fact that, someone like me, who may have up to 7 active tables at once, will be relinquished to his $4.25 an hour because of ONE missed glass of water when it comes to that table. There are two different types of bad tippers in this world. 1. The person who will look for ANY excuse whatsoever to save that potential tip money, or perhaps (benefit of the doubt) don't know how to properly tip. 2. People who have no idea that servers are paid below minimum wage. They consider a tip to be something extra if the server did an abnormally PHENOMENAL job. About 75% of our income is reliant on someone adding that 15% to the bill. The only reason i've been able to stay afloat during this recession is that I have regulars in my restaurant that tip very well and request me every time. That said, there are "regulars" that come in and are unhappy no matter what type of service you give them. Thank God my good regulars tip correctly, or I would have lost my home by now. My hat is off to them in thanks, and because of their generosity I will continue to give them the best service I possibly can, every time. For those of you non-tippers, I guarantee you that if you frequent the same spot and have continued your negative monetary habits over time, you are getting sub par service now. If you've shown a willingness not to tip, it will reflect in the quality of your service. Why should someone give 100% if you won't do the same in return when the time comes?

If you don't tip, I hope I don't see you in my restaurant... You're scum.

Nov 7, 2009 10:56 AM

Guest :

In response to "springs1's" comments, I believe Mr. Lynn is giving advice on how to increase tips to servers working in finer restaurants. Red Lobster and Applebees hardly compare to a restaurant that serves prime grade beef, fresh seafood and dishes prepared fresh daily. In fine dining we are serving customers who are spending $80+ per person and typically when spending that kind of money they WANT the server to do just that SERVE THEM. After eating in Red Lobster and Applebees one time a person knows what to expect, but in an upscale restaurant the menu often changes daily or weekly and therefor the guest depends on the server to describe the entrees and appreciates when a server is knowledgable about the menu items both food and wine. As for pairing wine with food, it has nothing to do with the server's individual taste, it is about which wine complements the flavors of certain foods. So for someone who eats at Red Lobster and Applebee's that would be the same as the server suggesting Honey Mustard with chicken fingers. The sad thing is that servers who work in mediocre restaurants such as the ones you "dine" in, work just as hard as we fine dining servers but they have to serve people who have no social grace or any idea about etiquette so they make half as much money as we do. This is why I feel confident that Dr. Lynn was suggesting these tips for servers in upscale restaurants who have guests that pay for the dining experience as much as the food and/or wine. So when a server exceeds those guests expectations we can walk with $300 a night rather than the poor servers at Applebees dealing with guests such as yourself who leave with $50 or less a night

Nov 30, 2009 10:22 PM

Guest :

springs1, i'm afraid you're a bit wrong, on almost everything. Really, you have no idea what you're talking about, and you're rather rude.

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