Dating in the Workplace
How to Ask Out a Co-Worker
© Melissa Dylan
Aug 20, 2006
Many experts advise against dating a co-worker, period. Let's be realistic, though--employees are going to date, whether we advise them to or not.
Here are a few things to keep in mind if you're considering asking out a co-worker.
1. Check your corporate policy. Is dating a co-worker prohibited altogether? If so, you are jeopardizing your job. Other companies have policies that allow co-workers to date as long as both parties sign a "Relationship Agreement" release to abdicate liability.
2. Take it outside. Try to organize a group outing or event, and invite the co-worker you're interested in. If she accepts, you're already a step in the right direction. If not, it's time to rethink the entire thing. If she isn't interested in hot wings after work with the gang, chances are she's even less inclined toward dinner for two.
3. Ask only once. If you do hit it off outside work, now is the time to venture an offer for a one-on-one outing. Keep the conversation light, and suggest something casual, like dinner or a movie. If he says no, do not ask again later. If he seems a little hesitant, take that as a no-he may not want to hurt your feelings, and may make excuses. Drop the subject, and be glad you can remain friends.
4. Think hard-you still have to work with this person. If things go sour (or go nowhere), you still have to see and interact with her daily. Be prepared for that before you start, and adopt the attitude of maturity.
5. Choose one. If you like one person, that's great. Go for it. If you're planning to systematically ask out every person you work with, you deserve to be fired.
Bear in mind that you're always opening yourself up to harassment suits and even termination. Handle it correctly, however, and workplace dating can lead to great things. I dated a co-worker only once. That man is now my husband.
The copyright of the article
Dating in the Workplace in
Workplace Culture is owned by
Melissa Dylan. Permission to republish
Dating in the Workplace must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
Aug 21, 2006 4:57 PM
Melissa Dylan
:
How'd that turn out for you?
Aug 21, 2006 5:02 PM
rose
:
So, at my old job, I went on a date with this guy in IT. We were all over each other. Then, as he was dropping me off, he said "so, are you going to..." and then made motions suggesting masturbation. Which was, to say the least, very very odd, especially for a first date.
That was one of many things that made me really not want to date him.
The next monday, he emailed me constantly, when are we going out again, etc, etc. Oh ****. So, I invented a fiancee who had left town, but realized his mistake and moved back to SB to live with me. And I wore a ring I had. See, engagement ring.
While I don't recommend inventing fiances, it did totally work, and I never saw him again. but, it was a bigger company. See next post by me.
Aug 21, 2006 5:05 PM
rose
:
Second story:
Early on in this company, which is very small, and only had on IT guy, there was a hot IT guy. He was also socially scared, and a little batty, but that's what I liked about him. We were kind of friends. We hung out and watched movies. Once, I put my hand on his thigh, and he didn't move a muscle for the next five minutes. I removed my hand, and gave up on trying to mack the geeky IT boy.
It probably didn't help that my big older brother was hot IT boy's boss, and pretty intimidating.
Now hot IT boy works with us again (he moved away for a while. I swear I had nothing to do with it!), and brought his new girlfriend, who I love. So, at least it's not awkward.
Aug 21, 2006 5:06 PM
rose
:
And those are my two mini dramas about dating coworkers.
Thankfully, I'm happily entangled in a relationship, and will hopefully never have to ponder dating a coworker again.
but, dude, I invented a finacee to make this guy go away (because I was afraid he would break my computer).
Aug 22, 2006 4:43 AM
Jerry Lopper
:
Dated her, married her, three great sons, all began 37 years ago when dating co-workers wasn't a good idea. For us it was.
One funny moment did occur. We went out to a bar, pretty far away from where we work and live. It was dark and crowded and we were inching our way along the narrow path between the bar and tables, trying to find a place to either sit or stand, when a familiar voice rang out...my boss. He got a big kick out of it and apparently had no problem with our dating as there were no negative repercussions.
Aug 22, 2006 9:34 AM
rose
:
Congrats, coach! It's good to hear about relationships that actually stand the test of time. So many people are ditching marrage after a few short years.
Aug 22, 2006 12:12 PM
fortytwostars
:
I, too, married the guy I met at work. He was an IT fella (what is it about that little bit of geek that makes them so SEXY?!), and I met him when he worked on my boss' computer. We chatted on email for about a month, then went on a date and were basically inseperable from then on. We never did the coy sneaky-sneaky thing, and while I don't think that was smart, work-wise, I think that being open about someone you care about is good for the RELATIONSHIP.
Aug 22, 2006 12:14 PM
fortytwostars
:
On the other end of the spectrum, a friend of mine started dating a friend of my now-husband's ... they fell pretty deep pretty fast, and then it all went to ****. Things were REALLY hostile, they both missed tons of work due to fights or not wanting to see each other, and the guy almost lost his job because of all the drama it caused.
Aug 22, 2006 2:25 PM
Melissa Dylan
:
I hear a lot of stories about people marrying former (or current) co-workers, which is why I can't advocate no dating across-the-boards. Yes, it can turn messy or awkward, and I've heard stories like that, too, but that can happen with any relationship, so you may as well advocate no dating PERIOD.
Incidentally, I brought the subject up with my husband, and he was very anti-work-dating. Then I reminded him that he met ME at work, which he deemed "different." He has a point: we were working in different departments at a summer job we didn't care much about. But what if I'd met him at his current job? Would he still have dated me? He couldn't answer that question, which is why he now has a black eye.
Aug 23, 2006 10:10 AM
rose
:
What about bringing someone you're dating into your workplace?
My brother/co-boss is forever trying to get my boyfriend to do computer work with us/set him up so he can be an independant contractor, and stuff.
I'd love for him to be happier with a job, but I don't know about working with him.
