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Many experts advise against dating a co-worker, period. Let's be realistic, though--employees are going to date, whether we advise them to or not.
Here are a few things to keep in mind if you're considering asking out a co-worker.
1. Check your corporate policy. Is dating a co-worker prohibited altogether? If so, you are jeopardizing your job. Other companies have policies that allow co-workers to date as long as both parties sign a "Relationship Agreement" release to abdicate liability.
2. Take it outside. Try to organize a group outing or event, and invite the co-worker you're interested in. If she accepts, you're already a step in the right direction. If not, it's time to rethink the entire thing. If she isn't interested in hot wings after work with the gang, chances are she's even less inclined toward dinner for two.
3. Ask only once. If you do hit it off outside work, now is the time to venture an offer for a one-on-one outing. Keep the conversation light, and suggest something casual, like dinner or a movie. If he says no, do not ask again later. If he seems a little hesitant, take that as a no-he may not want to hurt your feelings, and may make excuses. Drop the subject, and be glad you can remain friends.
4. Think hard-you still have to work with this person. If things go sour (or go nowhere), you still have to see and interact with her daily. Be prepared for that before you start, and adopt the attitude of maturity.
5. Choose one. If you like one person, that's great. Go for it. If you're planning to systematically ask out every person you work with, you deserve to be fired.
Bear in mind that you're always opening yourself up to harassment suits and even termination. Handle it correctly, however, and workplace dating can lead to great things. I dated a co-worker only once. That man is now my husband.
The copyright of the article Dating in the Workplace in Workplace Culture is owned by Melissa Dylan. Permission to republish Dating in the Workplace in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
Aug 21, 2006 5:02 PM
rose :
So, at my old job, I went on a date with this guy in IT. We were all over
each other. Then, as he was dropping me off, he said "so, are you
going to..." and then made motions suggesting masturbation. Which
was, to say the least, very very odd, especially for a first date.
That was one of many things that made me really not want to date
him.
The next monday, he emailed me constantly, when are we
going out again, etc, etc. Oh ****. So, I invented a fiancee who had left
town, but realized his mistake and moved back to SB to live with me. And I
wore a ring I had. See, engagement ring.
While I don't
recommend inventing fiances, it did totally work, and I never saw him
again. but, it was a bigger company. See next post by me.
Aug 21, 2006 5:05 PM
rose :
Second story:
Early on in this company, which is very small, and
only had on IT guy, there was a hot IT guy. He was also socially scared,
and a little batty, but that's what I liked about him. We were kind of
friends. We hung out and watched movies. Once, I put my hand on his
thigh, and he didn't move a muscle for the next five minutes. I removed my
hand, and gave up on trying to mack the geeky IT boy.
It
probably didn't help that my big older brother was hot IT boy's boss, and
pretty intimidating.
Now hot IT boy works with us again (he
moved away for a while. I swear I had nothing to do with it!), and brought
his new girlfriend, who I love. So, at least it's not awkward.
Aug 21, 2006 5:06 PM
rose :
And those are my two mini dramas about dating coworkers.
Thankfully, I'm happily entangled in a relationship, and will hopefully
never have to ponder dating a coworker again.
but, dude, I
invented a finacee to make this guy go away (because I was afraid he would
break my computer).
Aug 22, 2006 4:43 AM
Jerry Lopper :
Dated her, married her, three great sons, all began 37 years ago when
dating co-workers wasn't a good idea. For us it was.
One funny
moment did occur. We went out to a bar, pretty far away from where we work
and live. It was dark and crowded and we were inching our way along the
narrow path between the bar and tables, trying to find a place to either
sit or stand, when a familiar voice rang out...my boss. He got a big kick
out of it and apparently had no problem with our dating as there were no
negative repercussions.
Aug 22, 2006 9:34 AM
rose :
Congrats, coach! It's good to hear about relationships that actually stand
the test of time. So many people are ditching marrage after a few short
years.
Aug 22, 2006 12:12 PM
fortytwostars :
I, too, married the guy I met at work. He was an IT fella (what is it about
that little bit of geek that makes them so SEXY?!), and I met him when he
worked on my boss' computer. We chatted on email for about a month, then
went on a date and were basically inseperable from then on. We never did
the coy sneaky-sneaky thing, and while I don't think that was smart,
work-wise, I think that being open about someone you care about is good for
the RELATIONSHIP.
Aug 22, 2006 12:14 PM
fortytwostars :
On the other end of the spectrum, a friend of mine started dating a friend
of my now-husband's ... they fell pretty deep pretty fast, and then it all
went to ****. Things were REALLY hostile, they both missed tons of work due
to fights or not wanting to see each other, and the guy almost lost his job
because of all the drama it caused.
Aug 22, 2006 2:25 PM
Melissa Dylan :
I hear a lot of stories about people marrying former (or current)
co-workers, which is why I can't advocate no dating across-the-boards.
Yes, it can turn messy or awkward, and I've heard stories like that, too,
but that can happen with any relationship, so you may as well advocate no
dating PERIOD.
Incidentally, I brought the subject up with my
husband, and he was very anti-work-dating. Then I reminded him that he met
ME at work, which he deemed "different." He has a point: we
were working in different departments at a summer job we didn't care much
about. But what if I'd met him at his current job? Would he still have
dated me? He couldn't answer that question, which is why he now has a
black eye.
Aug 23, 2006 10:10 AM
rose :
What about bringing someone you're dating into your workplace?
My brother/co-boss is forever trying to get my boyfriend to do computer
work with us/set him up so he can be an independant contractor, and
stuff.
I'd love for him to be happier with a job, but I don't
know about working with him.
Aug 23, 2006 11:04 AM
Laurie :
I've dated coworkers a couple of times and it's only turned out badly
once--the time when he (not I) wanted to keep it a secret.
I
should have realized then that he was a complete idiot and dumped him,
rather than trying to make the relationship work for nearly a year before
he dumped me.
Dating people you work with is fine, usually.
It's no different than 100 years ago when the dating pool was restricted to
people who lived in the same small village you did, is it?
Aug 23, 2006 7:20 PM
Melissa Dylan :
That's a good question, Duckierose, regarding bringing significant others
into your workplace. If things go sour work-wise that could potentially
sour the relationship, although many individuals are mature enough to
separate the two. I imagine I would enjoy working with my husband, but
would he like working with ME? Now there's the question.
Sep 2, 2006 3:36 PM
Jan Wickens :
I met my significant other at my work workplace almost two years ago, I was
his supervisor. We started out as friends, he is a wonderful person with a
great heart, he was going through a tough time and I was there to support
him. He would call me at night and on the weekend to discuss business, and
see what I was up to. Our friendship grew for months, then we had an event
to go to and my best friend told me that it was my job and not to think
that way. I felt extremely connected and comfortable with him. Our
employer did not have a policy against our relationship, but our employer
clearly got jealous of our relationship. We left there shortly after, we
still work together, live together and have been together two years at the
end of December. My point is, sometimes these relationships are the ones
that workout the best.
Sep 15, 2006 5:00 PM
Melissa Dylan :
I agree, maj, and it sounds like it worked out well for the two of you. A
supervisor/subordinate relationship can be tricky, but it's all about
keeping it comfortable for the two of you.
Oct 13, 2006 7:13 AM
Jan Wickens :
I kinda feel the same way as your husband, as I indicated earlier, I met my
significant other at work, but now that I own my business,while I was
writing my office policy, specified employees only- I have only one!! So, I
didn't feel like such a hypocrite...
Jan 22, 2009 6:46 AM
great9126 :
It is very easy to ask co-worker. How means you are working same place and
you are talking daily.So, how is it a problem. But never go with who are
talking about family rules. great9126, <a
href="http://www.casualdate.net.au"> Online Dating </a>
15 Comments
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